Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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