That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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