bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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