why didn't you poke me back
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
