i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
