I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
