A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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