dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
