Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
