Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
