Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
