bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
