Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
