she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
