I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I touched a dick in church today
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