So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
