I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I party with great urgency now.
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