Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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