Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
