so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
