Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
