no, he came in my armpit
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
be right there i have to get my cape
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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