just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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