If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
