You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
