Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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