so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
