I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
