She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
