I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
