where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
