Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
