You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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