so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
