Your tits are I can't wait for
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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