this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
