You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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