He is an equal opportunity slut.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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