Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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