I wanna bring you to show and tell
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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