just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
