I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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