Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
