Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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