My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
