ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
