1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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