I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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