Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
