Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
