I showed him my bush... on skype.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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