Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
