I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
